In this weeks readings in LifeSmart, chapters 9 and 10 deal with early and middle adulthood. This begins the moment you graduate from high school till the time you hit your 50's. Adulthood is challenging, thought-provoking, wisdom-seeking and crisis managing all rolled into one. There is so much responsibility that adults take on and having the courage and discipline is important to manage through life's obstacles. At the age of 41, two points in chapters 9 and 10 are points I've learned after having the wrong idea about them during my early adulthood years. Those points are intimacy and midcareer challenges.
I got married on December 21, 1993 and I was only a junior in college. I wanted to be married because I didn't want to feel alone. I was definitely in the Erikson theory of isolation versus intimacy. I wanted to be loved but I didn't know how to love. In addition, my views of intimacy was not what I expected. As most young adults, we believe intimacy is sexual intercourse and that is far from the truth. In chapter 9 of LifeSmart, Erikson pointed out that sexual intercourse should not be assumed to be the most important aspect of intimacy between individuals. By intimacy, Erikson means the ability to relate one's deepest hopes and fears to another person and to accept another's need for intimacy in turn (LifeSmart, 219). I can say today that is what happened to my marriage after 18 years. Although I'm separated and soon to be divorced, I understand that true intimacy is what God intends for me to have later in life.
It is amazing that as I got married at a young age, I had to get out into the work force soon after I graduated from college. When I graduated from college in May 1995, I had a job lined up and I needed it because my wife was 3 months pregnant. I got into the financial arena and I have been in it for almost 20 years. Well guess what, I'm studying to become a teacher, coach and athletic director. Career change is coming. I'm in the midcareer challenge. This stage usually happens around 40 because you have a clear understanding as to whether he or she will make it to the top of their field (LifeSmart, 249). That was how I felt at the age of around 35 or 36 because I was in the same position at my company for about 6 to 7 years. I wanted to go back to school and get a degree in education administration. The challenge, however, was money and time. That all changed after the separation and I enrolled back in school for my teaching certification. What has become more challenging is that when it was close to getting started for school, I did get promoted at work. I had to seek God for advice and the call to educate, mentor and lead young people is all I think about to this day. Though God has proven that had made a way for me in the career I've been involved in for so long, He has a bigger purpose for me in the field of education. There is no more midcareer challenges at this point.
Again, adulthood is challenging, thought-provoking, wisdom-seeking and crisis managing all rolled into one. In dealing with the stages of intimacy and midcareer challenges, I have gained more wisdom and understanding of who I really am. Although we hope to understand who we are when we're teenagers, there is a more clearer sense of judgment when you get out on your own and see things more differently instead of the bubble you are in as a teenager.
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